Moving towards normal

I was reading a book today about the cat that predicts who will die at a nursing home that focuses on elderly patients with dementia. The author (a doctor) writes that patients don't really care about the name of their illness, or the particulars - they want to know how much it will hurt, and how long they will be normal, what will happen to them, how long will they live - they want to know the affect of the illness or accident. That's how I feel. My main question when faced with a test was "how much will this hurt?" and the primary question on my mind has been "how much longer before I'm back to 'normal'?" I still have some range of motion issues, some pain, a lot of stamina and strength issues. And I wonder - will it come back? Will I die of this like my mother? I want to move on with my life without having my life become about breast cancer.

I'm amazed that I'm heading back to work in a little more than a week. I don't feel ready. I'm also in awe of the women who go back to work even sooner than this, while dealing with the effects of chemo or even radiation. I don't have to do any of that and I'm low on energy. I wonder whether I will ever work with stone again. Some women get lymphodema just from doing yardwork - even with just a few lymph nodes taken out. I have a canvas waiting for me to feel like starting on it for the FWCAC Biennial. I have 2 weeks before that is due. It usually takes me longer than that to paint a nice work - I'll have to get working on it - tomorrow? Maybe.

I'm very sore from walking around the block with the dog - that's how out of shape I am. And it's a short block. I hope people don't think that I've gotten a lot done while home from work. I spent the first month sleeping. I'm doing better this last week, but other than some internet surfing and the afore-mentioned dog walking, I don't get much done. I haven't even watched as much Olympics as I thought I would. And my sleep cycle is totally shot. I have trouble falling asleep, then sleep too late or just don't sleep at all. THAT has to get better this next week. That said, I should wrap this up and go to sleep. I'll report on that canvas next time.